All In a Day's Work...

I'm so blessed to be working at Mission of Hope Haiti.  God is doing so much here, everywhere I turn I see God doing something new!  There is so much hope!!!  Let me just give you some examples...a typical day of work here looks like this.  This is why I am so blessed!  The intern family woke up this morning at 4:50, thanks to the boys "rooster call" and climbed on the roof to watch God paint the sunrise across the sky.  So thankful for this community, that God brought together.  During our morning meeting some orphans from the Hope Village sang worship songs in Creole...on their own, no adult leading them.  The sweetest sound, heaven will sound like that I imagine.  On my way down the hill to the clinic I see the warehouse going up, which will store food for the nutrition program that currently feeds over 50,000 people everyday!  Once at the Hope Clinic I walked into a waiting room full of people praying and praising God.  A humbling sight that never gets old!  After my morning patients, I headed down to the church for VBS.  About 300 kids were singing and dancing.  Its so awesome to see these kids having the time of their life, I'm pretty sure this is the equivalent of Disneyland to them.  They all got a good meal today, very praiseworthy!  I got a bunch of love, hugs and high fives from adorable random kids for no reason other than I'm convinced they want to actually melt my heart.  On my way out I ran into Lydia, a woman I've been friends with since the first week here.  Her baby was sick and we saw him in the clinic last Friday.  She insisted on giving me a gift, a wooden plaque that says "Hope for Haiti".  This means the world, because I know she doesn't have a lot of money.  After returning to the clinic I see that the Haitian staff have everything under control and really don't need me at all (how cool, praise God!) I headed downstairs to the 3 cords lab with my friend Jaimie.  We intended just to stop by but those ladies are just too darn precious.  3 cords is a small business here at Mission of Hope that hires amputee victims from the earthquake to make the cutest crafts, purses, and headbands to sell.  These ladies are as sweet as they come!  We spent 2 hours in there talking and learning from these amazing and strong ladies who had been through so much.  They are so hopeful and joyful.  On the way out we saw Drew, another intern, who just so happens to have a prosthetic leg himself, helping finish a prosthetic limb for an amputee patient inside the prosthetic lab.  Inside Naoki, our prosthetist from Japan was teaching and working with our two Haitian prosthetists...who will one day run the lab on their own.  Its so neat to see how the Lord has woven all of their lives and hearts together for this much needed service in Haiti.

That's just in one day!  Seeing the Hope House kids grow up with faith makes my heart so happy.  Watching them step up and lead the kids at VBS gives me the feeling of a proud Mama...I see God using them for HUGE things in Haiti.  They will help transform this Nation.  Amputees, who otherwise would have no hope to walk or work again are joyfully working, standing proud on the limb made just next door.  300 kids got fed at VBS, heard the gospel and got to just be kids.  God is transforming lives.  Hope in the big things, hope in the little things...He is using it all.  And the mosaic of all these things here is a beautiful reflection of the Character of God.  He desires to restore, love, and renew...and that is just what I saw today, all in a days work!

Kids Being Kids.

We're heading into week 4 of our first ever Vocation Bible School!  It has been so awesome!  We've had more and more kids each week.  Last week we had 585 kids come!  It is chaotic but it is so much fun!  We work with our Haitian leaders from the church body.  They are totally taking leadership and by the end of this week they will be running it totally on their own! :)  One of our staff members who has been a teacher in Haiti for 42 years had this to say "I've never seen that many Haitian children be so orderly!  They are forming lines and waiting their turns."  She also had this to say, which really put my perspective and heart in the right place.  She said "Kids as old as 12 have never even colored a picture.  They learn to cook a meal before they ever have a chance to color.  You guys will never know the impact of this VBS...this is so great."  Kids here don't have the luxury of just being a kid.  You see kids carrying buckets of water on their heads and lugging wheelbarrels before you'd ever see one with a toy.  The fact that almost 600 kids are being told about God's love for them, singing songs, being silly, making crafts, laughing, and getting fed is something praise worthy!  Hallelujah.  Kids being kids...what a beautiful thing. 

With This Life I lose I will Follow You...

I’ve lived my life with and without God.  I know both paths.  I don’t know it all, but I know life in relationship with Jesus is the richest and fullest my life has ever been.  Recently I've lost three young and precious friends...through their losses and living in Haiti I've really been challenged to seek the purpose of life and to examine how I'm living.  If there was anyone who knew what the ultimate purpose in life is, it would be Jesus.  Whether you believe in Jesus or not I think its safe to say we can all look His character and agree that He is a man who lived well.  His life was marked by LOVE.  


In the story told at the end of Luke Chapter 10 we're introduced to Martha and Mary.  Martha is stressing about preparing supper in the kitchen...overwhelmed with details and worry.  Mary is sitting at the feet of Jesus.  Mary gets it.  She knows what life is all about.  In the end nothing of this world will matter.  Martha, much like me most of the time, needs to get out of the Kitchen and relax!  Life really is just that simple.  It all comes down to loving God and loving others.  This life is so short...living for yourself is absolutely purposeless.  "And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?"- Mark 8:36.  No, I take that back...living for yourself is absolutely ludicrous.  It truly is better to give than to receive.

Yesterday I was hanging out with the Hope House orphans and Nicole, age 17, had this to say about the world she lives in: "People just need to care about people, stop looking out for themselves and help their brothers and sisters".  Jesus calls us to live as he did...a servant to others.  I've lived both ways, walked both paths...and living this way just makes sense.  


As my time here is coming to a close I've been thinking about what going home will be like.  I am looking forward to being home, as there is no place like it.  But, one thing I'm sort of dreading to hear is praise for me coming here as if it is some sort of a sacrifice. Serving here has been an absolute joy!  It has been the best experience of my life...and please do not thank me.  I am no better than anyone else, anything good in me is of Jesus and Jesus alone.  I am an unworthy servant who has simply done my duty (Luke 17:18).  Life here is so short and every breath is truly a gift.  Everyday that passes we get closer to our life here ending...why do we live as if that day isn't going to really happen?  I'm so excited for Heaven but until then since Jesus gave his life for our sake it is my joy to give my life for His.    

Let it Rain!

"The clouds poured down rain; the thunder rumbled in the sky.  Your arrows of lightening flashed.  Your thunder roared up from the whirlwind; the lightening lit up the world!  The earth trembled and shook."-Psalm 77:17-18

My hair is still sopping wet.  My heart is still smiling.  The biggest thunder and lightening storm I've seen yet.  Rain pounded so hard I thought it would tear right through the ceiling.  My friend Erica and I caught a glance and just like that we dashed outside into the storm, climbed a ladder, and danced in the rain on the roof.  We awed at the flashes of lightening as they dashed across the sky above Port Au Prince.  What mighty power!  A few times we spastically flung to one another as the thunder thundered so loud you could feel it in your bones, like a ghetto bass.

I stood there, atop the roof marveling.  Marveling at the power and beauty of the Lord.  Marveling of all He has done so that I'd be here...not only in Haiti, but where I am in my heart.  He has done so much.  A healthy reverence for His majesty and might overwhelmed me again and again with each lightening strike.   The rain drops are like his love.  You can't escape it.  I never want to.  Storms have come and they will always will...but I am not afraid.  I am not afraid of the storms because they are always saturated with purpose and promise.  The rain is always refreshing, birthing new life.  What a beautiful God...He can use anything for His glory!  Let it rain.

A Labor of Love

Our very first ever Mission of Hope Haiti Vocation Bible School has begun!  Cute Haitian village children are being dropped at our front gate by the busload each morning!  We are hosting VBS here for the next month and each week we are getting new batches of children from neighboring villages...tots to pre-teens.  We have 5 rotating stations they go through each day: crafts, bible stories, sports, community health, and meals.  The first day we had over 100 kids show up...but then word got out that there was free food and today was a different story!  I don't even know how many kids there were here today, but there was too many to count!

I'm in charge of leading the community health rotation.  This is a blessing...many of these children have never been taught basic hygiene or nutrition.  I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to teach them these life skills.  They are being taught Jesus loves them and cares about their bodies!  Yesterday we taught the kids all about germs and the importance of hand washing.  They totally loved washing there hands!  They went nuts over it.

Today we taught them how to brush their teeth.  Once again, they totally loved it!  They had so much fun with it.  They are so adorable.  It is such a joy to see them soaking up this knowledge.

God is doing so much through this VBS!  He is also teaching me so much through it.  I'd be lying to you if I painted this picture of roses and gum drops!  VBS is chaos.  This is one of the harder things I've done while being here.  Granted, this is our first week and first time doing this here...things are only going to get better and better!  But God is using this chaos.  Not only must I try to command a sea of children, but there is a language barrier, only one interpreter who I wish could be everywhere at one time, only so many resources, and North American teams on the borderline of heat stroke in need of constant direction.  Its safe to say this is a bit challenging...but I'm so thankful for it.  I constantly have to pray for Jesus' strength, kindness, and patience.  I have to pray for the patience to be kind when kids are charging and grabbing me for a toothbrush.  A deeper love from an eternal perspective must rise up.  These kids are accustomed to handouts.  They must be taught order can be accomplished, then to value order, how to work for what they want and how to wait their turn.  That process takes time, but we mustn't give up.   There are many times throughout the day that I want to quit...but we can't give up on these little guys.  Change is a slow process, and keeping a bigger perspective and hope for a better Haiti in the future is the goal.  I truly believe that if we, as the body of Christ, take the time to consistently personally invest in these children...Haiti will be a totally different country in 20 years!  Praise be to God for this VBS!  Everyday hundreds of kids are going home happy with new knowledge of Jesus, their precious value, and a full belly.  It is a labor of love, and it is so worth it.

"That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed everyday.  For our present troubles won't last very long.  Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!  So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen.  For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever"- 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Little Miracles

We had a 4 year old little girl come into are clinic.  She was in respiratory distress...or so we thought.  We soon discovered though that her heart was under too much stress, it was beating much too fast.  We knew her little body could only compensate for so long.  If she wasn't brought in any sooner, she would have died.  My mind can't bear to think of all the other kids around the world that are in her same position, or those who died under the same circumstances.  Instead, I look into this baby girls eyes and pray for a miracle.  I pray for the LORD to give her strength to hang on.  I cling to this verse..."For nothing is impossible with God"-Luke 1:37

We cleared everyone out of our ER room so all of our attention could be focused on her.  She needed a medication that would slow her heart rate down...one that would have to stop her heart for a second or two.  She was lethargic and heavy in our arms, nearly unresponsive...not a good sign.  Babies should be screaming and kicking right now...I can only imagine what she was thinking as she watched all these white strangers whirl around her busily.  She was too exhausted to let out even a whimper.  We prayed.  Prayed for an IV to stick so she could get the lifesaving drug before it was too late.  Oh, we prayed.  Finally, after a few sticks we got a good line.  We held our breath as we watched the heart monitor after every dose of medication...come on.  Work.  Work.  Please God.  For nothing is impossible with God.  Let it work.  Finally after much prayer her little heart began to slow down.  Ah, relief fell over the room slowly.

Our clinic cannot hold patients overnight currently, once the Hospital of Hope is finished we can and this little girl needed to be monitored closely overnight.  So, we made plans to transfer her to a french doctors without boarders hospital just outside of Port Au Prince.  I rushed up to the guesthouse to grab some sandwiches for the ride.  I packed an extra sandwich...on accident, but also on purpose unknowingly at this point.  I rushed back down the hill to the clinic and into the ambulance.  There she was, sitting on the lap of her Daddy in the back of the ambulance.  She was better now, alert and staring at us all suspiciously.  We dug right into our sandwiches...we had worked past lunch to see her through.  Her Dad sat there, trying not to stare.  His cheekbones sunken in and his body slender.  I heard a small whisper, that extra sandwich was for him!  Apprehensive at first, then he began to eat.  He ate it all, licked every finger and ate every crumb.

Just the thought of that day brings tears to my eyes.  It was a miracle.  I praise God for moments like this.  Through this I learned about Jesus' heart.  He revealed to me His love for His children.  We are all so precious to him.  My yearning and aching for this little girls life to be spared is nothing but a speck of the love God has for you and I.  I feel blessed just to have felt that, even if it's a speck.  And if thats just a speck, wow.  His love is a miracle in and of itself.

The Clinic of Hope

It's crazy to think I've been here a month already.  In most ways the days are flying by but in others I  feel like I've lived here for years.  In hindsight I wish I would have done this earlier but I just wanted to share more about Mission of Hope and give you an insight of what I do here.  

I’m the summer medical intern.  I work under an awesome couple, Liz and Rick.  Liz is an RN and Rick is a paramedic.  Together they manage all aspects of the medical services we offer: emergency response, community health, mobile clinics, and our clinic of Hope.  I lead and assist medical teams that volunteer here each week.  The first two weeks I was here I was working our mobile clinics in neighboring villages.  The past two weeks I have been working with Liz and Rick in the clinic.

   We typically see 75-100 patients everyday at the clinic that otherwise may have no access to medical care.  We have full time Haitian nurses, medical translators, doctors, lab techs, and pharmacists.  I have really enjoyed working at the clinic.  By the time we open in the morning our waiting room, pictured here, and overflow is packed with patients.  A pastor from our Mission of Hope church comes in the morning and preaches to  waiting room…before they go and receive physical healing their souls are offered healing.  Throughout the day there is Haitian worship music sang in Creole and English…it is so lovely.  It is one of my favorite parts, along with this beautiful courtyard pictured below.  You can feel the Lord’s presence in the clinic!

We have the only two fully functioning ambulances in Haiti!  Emergency medicine in Haiti is a very new and foreign idea to many Haitians.  Driving here in Haiti is crazy enough, let alone in an ambulance!  Lights and sirens don’t really mean too much here…yet.  We are really striving to teach the Haitians.  Our goal is for our clinic to be fully Haitian run, like all of Mission of Hope.  We want to run every North American out of a job! 

       I’m really looking forward to this week.  We have a medical team from Mercy Ships here.  I am very interested in working for them some day so I am excited to network and learn more about the opportunities with Mercy Ships…since the goal here is to run me out of a job! ;)  The Mercy Ships team will be running the clinic this entire week so that our Haitian staff can get a solid week of training in!  Please be praying for that this week!  Also, construction of the Hospital of Hope next door is well underway and when completed will offer: 24 hour emergency care, surgical units, and wards for med, women, and children.  To learn more about the medical services we offer to people in Haiti visit www.mohhaiti.org.

Starting in July I will be teaching community health to a ton of adorable Haitian children everyday through our summer vocation bible school.  I have a bunch of cute activities planned to help them learn about germs, hand washing, nutrition, and how to stay healthy.  I'm really looking forward to that!  Serving and sweating in the hot Haitian sun...and loving every moment

The Country of Contrast

There is so much to take in.  Haiti is an incredible place, unlike any other.  The thing that strikes me most though is the never ceasing ironic contrasts.  Haiti is a country of contrast.  Contrast is everywhere.  And unlike in America, were we can live comfortably in the shadows of complacency and indifference, in Haiti there are stark polar opposites and your anywhere but in the middle. 

         On the surface you can see Haiti is a place of brilliant beauty, yet it is contrasted sharply by evidence of poverty.  There are tent homes with locks on the plywood doors.  There are 50,000 Mercedes trudging through trash and human feces in slum alleyways.  There are fragile elderly with childlike joy, and there are lifeless children starving on death’s doorstep.  There is graffiti and cars plastered with scripture and there is a thriving Satanic Voodoo culture.  And through all the pain and suffering people are extremely spiritual here.

      

   In reflection and time with the LORD I’ve come to the conclusion that circumstances here yields the strongest type of faith I've ever seen; a faith that is not tainted by living comfortably with wants within arms reach.  People here have a very passionate and intimate love for God.  I wish all of you reading this could experience a Haitian church service.  Worship lasts well over an hour accumulatively.  I’m amazed at their stamina as they praise God with all they have and majority probably only had one meal within the past day if their lucky.  People are on their knees and some even on their faces.  People are crying out to God, yelling out their praises and prayers.  It is so beautiful.  I think it is a spot on illustration of the conditions of our hearts…of all of humanity.  We are all in need of a savior.  We are all broken, confused, lost, scarred, and hungry.  Take a look inside of your own heart and you will find it.  For the first time in my life when I open my eyes I see what is in my heart…reflected and brought to life.  The walls of self-righteous pride that tower in North America have no purpose or place here.  It is freeing.  I relate to the Haitians.  My struggles are theirs…my circumstances may have been different but the God shaped hole we all bare is one in the same. 

         You see, prior to me coming here I had the idea that I was going to come in and help.  But in reflection I’ve come to the realization that that belief stems from me thinking I’m better than who I am serving…that I have something to offer them.  When in reality of the cross I really have nothing to offer them.  You see my education and trade of nursing can benefit others yes, but in the cosmic scope of life dependency on that alone would only yield temporary impact.  What we all need is something greater than ourselves to bring lasting change.  No matter how many band-aids I hand out, the sickness and depravity in our souls still exist.  When broken down to the finest scale poverty is a result of broken relationships.  This country, just like you and I, is in need of nothing other than JESUS. 

         Yes I realize how incredible idealistic that last statement seems but give it a chance…

         As North Americans we associate poverty immediately with material depravity…but the poor associate their poverty with feelings of hopelessness, humiliation, powerlessness, and voicelessness.  Our North American worldview has made us believe humans can make progress through their own strength.  People here do not need money or material wealth…look at where loads of material wealth has landed America…in high rates of divorce, drug addiction, and mental illness.  Everyone needs Jesus to transform them.  They need to know that they are deeply loved and valuable to gain confidence.  They need to have confidence to have the drive to create a sustainable trade or invest in their education.  They need to be empowered so they can learn to earn sufficient needs and maybe even material things through their own labor and in doing so they are moving closer to what God called us to be.

A common occurrence in Haiti...every week bus loads of “blans” (whites) hop out of buses, play with kids, pray for people, and maybe hand out some food but ultimately the people here are left in the same exact position they were in the week before, year before, and even the generation before.  People need to be empowered, not sold short with handouts and temporary fixes.  In order to see true transformation in Haiti people need to have the resources to be empowered.  That empowerment only comes from a ministry of people and processes rather than projects and products.  Like Jesus did in His ministry…people need to relationally be invested in.  That is why as an organization Mission of Hope doesn’t hand out toys or give food out when we go out and work in villages.  We let the church do that.  We empower the church to be the church.  Allowing the Haitians to help their own people. 

You see, probably like you, my first reaction is to feed the hungry and give them shelter…but the truth of the matter is if we help without teaching people about their full potential in the LORD and then further supplement that with tangible resources to carry that transformation out in a lasting way we’re just simply helping them through another day in hell, not bending down lending a hand and offering to pull them up out of the heat for good. 

“Our relationship to the materially poor should be one in which we recognize that both of us are broken and that both of us need the blessing of reconciliation.  Our perspective should be less about how we are going to fix the materially poor and more about how we can walk together, asking God to fix both of us”-When Helping Hurts.

I feel honored and blessed to serve and walk beside these people...helping one another...our faults contrasted, and better yet, overpowered by the hope and glory of Jesus. 

            A new generation is rising up in Haiti...

Clinic in a Can!

This post will be short and sweet!  Just wanted to update you a little on what we have been working on the past few days.  Mission of Hope has a mobile clinic in a village called Bercy which a beautiful beachfront plot of land that is going to be the future home of our agricultural school project and church development.  The school will be able to educate about 1,000 Haitians each year.  This will empower the Haitian people and enable them to be resourceful and ultimately create a living for them and their families.  By 2020 we hope that Haiti will be able to feed itself and be more self sufficient.  There will also be a school there.  Education, nutrition, and Jesus Christ...whats that you smell?  Thats right....a recipe for transformation in Haiti.  There is a new generation rising up.

SO!  The past week we have been working out of our mobile clinic in a can in Bercy.  It is what is seems.  A clinic in a can.  It's complete with two patient consult rooms and a pharmacy.  We used another building for triage and a waiting room.  It worked out very well.  The first day we saw 140 patients.  Today we saw 128 patients.  We saw anything and everything.  Mostly respiratory and GI infections, worms, malnutrition, and a lot of skin and wound infections.  We have Haitian translators and security as well as a Haitian nurse and Doctor on staff.  Depending on what kind of medical volunteers we have we can offer specialty services to them.  We were able to also give out 80 pairs of glasses today  because a team here had them donated.

This is Obenson.  He is a 9 year old shy little guy.  He is absolutely precious.  I met him last week on my first day in Bercy.  He stole my heart, he is so precious.  When I saw him I noticed he had a most of his large toe nail missing and the wound was visibly infected with flies swarming and all.  He was barefoot.  I told him to come to the clinic later in the week and we would help him.  He came too late yesterday but today, praise God, he came and we were able to treat him.  Turns out, not only did he need some debridement and wound care but also antibiotics for a nasty respiratory infection, multivitamins, and some medication for intestinal worm parasites.  He left the clinic today medications in tote, shoes on his feet and a smile on his face.  He both breaks my heart and warms it at the same time...there is a lot of that here in Haiti.  I will dive deeper into my internal processing in a later blog.  For now I just wanted to share with you what I've been up to lately and THANK YOU for your prayers and support.  The LORD is at work here in Haiti.

LOVE like the RAIN...

I’ve only been in Haiti for 3 full days, and already I have learned so much.  I’m interning for 2 months at Mission of Hope Haiti (MOH) in Titayen, Haiti.  I am serving here medically at the clinic and helping with community health teaching projects.  The past few days have been jam packed with intern orientation and activities.  There are 15 of us interns: 11 ladies and 4 gents.  We are from all over, but here serving with the same purpose: to bring life transformation to the people of Haiti in Christ. 

Arriving in Haiti was an event.  Our plane was held back a few hours so we arrived in Port Au Prince as the sun was setting.  We were greeted by rain.  The airport is a humble building, as everything here in Haiti is.  We navigated with ease first through customs, played a little hide and seek with our baggage, and then finally through the winding walkways to our rugged yellow bus.  We loaded up and made the trek to Mission of Hope in Titayen, about 30 minutes away from PAP.  Driving in Haiti is so crazy.  We came inches…no, probably centimeters away from other trucks, tap taps, and buildings too many times to count. 

As we drove through village after village I stared out the window and saw my first snapshots of life in Haiti.  Tent cities.  Naked children.  Stray dogs and goats.  Trash.  But above all else I was captivated by how gorgeous it is here.  How beautiful the lush greenery is, but more so how beautiful the people are.  There is something about the bright colored buildings and bright Haitian zeal contrasted by simplicity and poverty that is romancing me.  It’s the rawest type of beauty I’ve ever seen.

I will be starting my work at the clinic leading medical teams on the 13^th.  Until then each day we are being prepared for our jobs.  We are learning Haitian culture edict and learning to navigate our way through the villages.  Yesterday was my first village experience.  We visited the other MOH properties in Bercy and Leveque.  Bercy is home of our 500 project site, where we are building 500 homes for displaced families.  The Leveque property is home of one of our mobile clinics “clinic in a can” and also our agricultural project.  You can learn more about that at lespwameanshope.org.  In both places we were instantly tackled by tons of little munchkins.  Ah!  I loved it.  They are so precious.  My heart was full and alive in their presence.  One child in Bercy especially captured my heart.  Her name is Yolanda.  I will post pictures when I have a better internet connection.

I’m excited to see her again.  She has a heart after mine…although my Creole lacked, and her English was broken we spent most of our time laughing and singing.  Justin Beiber’s “Baby” song …never knew how useful that would be.  But man, once we started singing that the entire group joined in.  So, thank you Justin Beiber not only for awesome unisex hair, but also for a precious moment in Bercy. 

I know some of you reading this may be like ”Cool, you guys played with cute kids and sang?  Solid.”  Haha BUT this is thee amazing thing about working with Mission of Hope. You ready for this?  MOH is in it for the long haul…and the people here know that.  They are invested in the Haitian community; in fact they ARE the Haitian community.  Their whole goal is to one day be completely Haitian run.  The vision they have for Haiti is tangibly being carried out and they are continuously expanding and growing.  So yes, although my time here will be short, I know and trust that of course no work for the LORD is in vain.  But this is especially true working for such a prestigious organization as this.  It’s more than passing through villages.  It’s about building relationships, and just as Jesus Christ did building His church one person at a time.

My heart is bursting, and I am learning a ton.  For the sake of time and keeping my Internet access short I will dive deeper into that soon.  So for now, I’ll close with this final thought.   Just as I was greeted here by the rain stepping off the plane, just as rain is essential for growth, and just as rain gives life, so it is with God’s love and grace.  As one of my favorite songs by J-Mac says “Love like the rain does.  Never mind which ones are righteous”.  It hasn’t stopped raining since I’ve been here.  

Thoughts before I leave...

Over and over again throughout the Old Testament God extends His arms out to us in hopes of a restorative reconnection with Him we once had in the garden, the connection we are made to have.  That sense of connectivity is so apparent in our innate nature.  Look at the passionate fans of sports teams around the world.  The rush it gives to stand in an arena with a couple thousand other fools shouting and cheering for the same team you are, for the same cause.  I will admit to getting goose bumps every time I’m at a Los Angeles Kings hockey game and they score a goal.  There’s something about the chemistry of thousands of people uniting together in unison.  The random high fives with strangers feels so right.  There’s something in me that is wildly ignited by the idea of being a part of something bigger than I am. 

I used to not know what that something was.  I used to get my fix with sports teams, chasing boys, and material junk.  Eh, that didn’t last too long.  No matter what I had, I wanted more.  It wasn’t until I encountered God that I knew everything I had desired could be satisfied forever.  Life with God is rich and full (John 10:10). 

God’s story changed forever once his son Jesus came on the scene.  God’s restorative reconnection to us could only be accomplished by the death of sin.  Jesus, God in flesh, came and lived a life marked by love, healing, and hope.  He laid death in his grave…for me.  For you.  For us.  So that our connection with God can be restored.  Because of what Jesus did I can now live outside of the finite realm of this world and live for the greatest purpose there is…for God.  So, He has asked me to be a part of His team.  And I have accepted and He is about to take me on the adventure of a lifetime.  To Haiti we go.

I feel so much as I know these next 2 months in Haiti will change me forever.  Here is a quote that describes most of how I am feeling right now as I stand on the edge of this great adventure’s beginning…unsure of what lies ahead: “It is curiously comforting knowing your calling is beyond your capability”- Powlison.  I am strangely comforted knowing that Haiti is too much for me to handle on my own.  It ignites the longing in my heart for belonging to something greater than myself.  Isn’t that what being a part of something bigger is about?  Joining up with a bigger cause for the greater good to be accomplished.  Knowing that despite your inadequacies you have the mighty power of God and His entire Kingdom behind you to back you up.  It’s a beautiful thing about being a follower of Jesus.  I have a part in the greatest love story every told.  We all do, if we accept our roles. 

It’s a scary thing to give your life over to something greater, even if every cell in your body tells you to chase connection.  But really, when you think about it it’s not that scary.  What is really scary to me is living a life for myself.  Living in the day to day unsatisfying complacency that somehow tries to convince me that day to day is all I need which only time after time will leave me in a downward continuous spiral of temporary fixes that hold me over just long enough until I desperately scrounge for the next.  THAT is what scares me. 

The thought of giving God control of my life is uncomfortable.  I struggle with it everyday.  But really when I get down to the heart of my fear I realize I associate comfort with control.  This world has us tricked into thinking we can be masters of our own destinies.  That is so far removed from the truth.  I was deeply reminded of just how little control we own in our lives after a friend’s sudden passing a couple of weeks ago.  I’ve learned something extremely important; I am not in control of anything.  God is.  But that doesn’t yield fear anymore.  No, it gives me comfort.  True comfort.  Unlike the world wants us to believe control does not yield peace, true surrender does.  And it yields peace because I know control and purpose belong and lie in the hands of a purely good and loving God.

Sure, I know in Haiti I will stare despair, pain, and death straight in the face everyday.  But I am not afraid.  Everything is in the control of God.  Although there is a lot of bad in this world that does not change the good character of God.  For He is good and He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. 

Because I have been invited to join with God in the love story He is writing to the world my yearning for divine connectivity is satisfied and like Jesus, I aspire to live a life marked by love, healing, and hope.

So, it is my pleasure and honor to join with God in Haiti as I take my part in His story of redemption for the world.  Because our God is a good God, He suffers too in the midst of our broken world (Genesis 6:6).  He paid the ultimate price through the blood of His son Jesus.  So in reaction to that sacrificial love I will sacrifice myself to Him to claim justice in a world so hungry for it.  To be a light in a place of darkness intentionally as an act of service and self sacrifice to help alleviate the sorrow of God and join in with my brothers and sisters as we restore his kingdom piece by piece until the Son returns.  

I'm excited and ready to be a part of what God is already doing in Haiti.  Something much, much bigger than lil' ole me.  Now, that is what I call living.  7 days to go…let the adventure continue onto Haiti.

"Hey Jesus, pass over here!  I'm open!" haha  

"Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send? And who will go for      us?'And I said, 'Here am I. Send me!'" -Isaiah 6:8

An Update...

46 days and counting.  I'm having a hard time grasping it.  People keep asking me if I'm ready.  I ask myself though, what would "ready" even look like.  How do you prepare for such a task?  But I guess, with practical things aside I'd like to arrive with an open and willing heart.  I'm trying my best to rid myself of any preconceived perceptions or expectations.  I just want to be an open book.  I want to feel each stroke of God's hand as His sovereign ink floods my pages...I want all of my senses to be alive as He writes His story.  I know I'll be changed.  I'm so excited, I want to soak it all up.  

PRAISE GOD for nearly meeting the $3,000 need for this internship!  $2,579 has been collected!  Awesome.  So stoked!

In closing I want to share this...I'm excited for God to cross my path with stories like this one.  

The Big Questions.

Grief.  Grief and all the things connecting to it.  Immediate things like death, murder, cancer…and then all things on strings that swim around those wretched things like shame, guilt, anger, and abandonment.  That’s what has been on my mind lately.  Not to say I am in a state of grief myself at this time, well whom am I kidding?  Of course I am, we all are.  Aren’t we?  Dumb question. 

Recently my heart has been especially taken back by the amount if suffering and evil in this world.  I think there has to be a place where as a Christian your walk along a neatly paved road fades into a bumpy jarring road…possibly the road less traveled one may say.  A road that conservative frameworks deemed “inaccessible”.  There seems to be a disclaimer looming in the air before entering this unkempt road that reads something like “Warning, proceeding down this road implies that you do not fully trust nor believe God’s good character”.   

The truth is the truth.  Refining faith by question and seeking yields wisdom and deeper knowledge.  I want to give God thanks and worship from a heart that is confident of him, not from a heart that is robotically reciting words on a screen in unison with others or seeking him from a place of guilt stricken paralyzing fear.  I think it would be more than safe to say that God wants that too...

WHY?  Why are there such injustices in the world?  I think it is so crucial, regardless of your standing with belief to ask that.  In our heart of hearts as humans we ache for justice.  Go back to the playground.  When little Bobby Joe (haha) cut in line something inside you was bothered.  WHY?  Why injustice?  And, why do we innately desire justice? 

The classic question posed to believers (and lets be honest, internally by believers) is “If God is good and loving why is everything so messed up?”.  I’m not even about to pretend like I can answer that as it should be answered.  My pastor broke down the perspective of where this question tends to come from.  It is one that is all too commonly adopted.  We as humans tend to believe that God is separate from our suffering.  We seem to believe that He is absent or punishing or nonexistent.  A look to God’s word defies all of these widely accepted notions.   Take a peek at the frustration we can relate to in John 12 as Mary and Martha mourn the loss of their brother and cry out “Lord, if you had been here this wouldn’t have happened”.  Jesus’ reaction is so key.  Jesus weeps.  He is not absent, he is not punishing, nor is he nonexistent.  He is fully present in their situation and shares in their heartache.   Furthermore, a look at Genesis 6 as it reveals the Lord’s sorrow over our sin and in the latter part of verse 6 it says that God’s heart was breaking over us. 

God doesn’t stop at feeling sorry for us though.  So, Jesus enters into our brokenness, into the war between sin and our souls.  He laid sin and death in his grave.

“Yes, Adams one sin brings condemnation for everyone, but Christ’s one act of righteousness brings a right relationship with God and a new life for everyone.”- Romans 5:18.

Why sin?  Why did it even have to come into the picture?  Once again, I cannot begin to answer that as it should be answered.  But inferring from our innate craving for justice given to us by a just and good creator and the loving character of God illustrated in the bible time and time again…all I know that I know that I know is that God must be a good God.  And yes, it IS that simple.  Because if God is a good God, which if he wasn’t good would cease to exist, even on the smallest scale, and if he is a just God than there is a greater purpose to all of this struggle.  Would a good and just God drag us through the mud with no intention of restoring and renewing every crevice of our soul and earth?  No. 

Back to grief.  It is a funny thing.  It is painful but births such beautiful new life.  Nature perfectly reflects this.  Check out the seasons…especially winter to spring.  Or how about the pain and labor an oyster endures to produce pearls?  I just finished reading “A Million Miles in a Thousand Years” by Donald Miller and in it he is challenged by filmmakers to write a movie about his life.  The filmmakers stress the necessity of struggle in the plot, and I am left to infer that Gods story of redemption needs the same thing.  Every good story has struggle.  Our emotions are stirred as we root for the character to reign victorious over their opposing obstacle.  We feel the greatest sense of relief and fullness when they come out on top.

God is an amazing story teller.  He is a good God.  Trials and struggle and sorrow and pain can be used by Him for the greater good (Romans 8:28).  God has thee best and thee happiest ending to the worlds story that we can ever even fathom.  He will make every single thing right.  Injustice and grief serve a purpose.  Just as Jesus came to put an end to death He will come back again to claim justice for us, forever.

"The LORD will fight for us"-written in Creole.

Like bright stars against the canvas of a dark night, God's glory is beautifully displayed by the contrast of grief.  

God's glory and sovereignty has shown so brightly through a family close to me.  They have struggled with cancer, having lost one son already and now having another with the same diagnosis...ironically God's goodness exudes from this family and all they have been through.  Lisa writes about her struggles and personal journey with God has she confronts grief and struggles.  "Blood Brothers" coming out this summer.  Check it out!  Lisa Delong "Blood Brothers"

Haiti is on the Horizon

God willing, this summer I will be serving at Mission of Hope Haiti as a medical intern from June-August.  Mission of Hope Haiti is an incredible organization that is transforming lives in Haiti for Christ. They are well established and have been in Haiti since 1998.  They have a full on orphanage, school (k-12), medical clinic, and church.  They educate over 2,500 kids.  They feed over 50,000 people each day!  They see over 200 people in their clinic daily.  They are in the process of building a hospital.  They are also building recreation centers for the kids: an indoor gym with a basketball court and a hockey rink.  They are doing incredible work.

I feel blessed to have the opportunity to work with them.  I am almost done with nursing school and will be an RN soon.  Rural community health and emergency medical settings really interest me at this point so I am eager to see how my passion grows and changes as I will experience a little bit of everything this summer.  This opportunity encompasses all I have ever dreamed of doing!!!  My heart bursts for Haiti.  There is so much need.  I know it will be an incredibly challenging and stretching time for me as a person on every kind of level but over all I am beyond excited!  In order for this to become reality I will need to raise about $3,000.  God is good, and if it is in his will he will make a way.  As I stand on the edge of this new adventure I really don't know what to expect.  97 days and counting....but who's counting?;)  haha!

I'm excited to see what I will learn and how God will challenge me, He is so good. Always.

...Haiti is on the Horizon.

If you are interested in donating you can do so by donating online via credit card on the give forward link posted!  Click here: To Donate to my Haiti Internship